Figuring out when to return to work

I'd like to never have to return, or to be able to just go part-time, but that is not an option. It looks like I am going back early Jan. I am not looking forward. It just seems weird to me that I have to put her in daycare at her age, to go somewhere I don't want to be. It would be a lot different if the workplace was different.... But I can tell I am going to have a really hard time with it. And so will she. We went to a friend's place today for a play date and I just stepped away to go to the bathroom and LO FREAKED. I've been hoping and praying since Dec of last year that something would come about (lottery, ANYTHING) that I wouldn't have to go back, but it doesn't look like that will happen. :( Reality is setting in, and I don't like it at all. But I know I am not the first mom to feel like this, and I won't be the last. It just sucks.